why my mother and i have such a bad relationship
I think my mother and I share a complicated kind of love. Sure, she says that she loves us all equally and sometimes yeah I see it. But I know it can be skewed more towards my brother and sister. For these reasons:
1. They have never given her much cause for concern. (Well… not any more than I have for the whole family)
2. They are far more responsible than I am. (A lil’ dubious in some aspects but yes)
3. They listen to her more.
4. They are honest with her.
5. They can communicate.
This is where I fail. I cannot communicate with my mother. At all. We have different ideas, ideals and beliefs. Not in terms of religion la. But she lays it on real thick. It’s just that every time I want to try and talk to her about things that are happening to me, around me, she always just goes on the whole – religion will solve everything. Well yes I do agree that prayer helps to calm the mind and soothe the soul. But it doesn’t really solve problems. Not all the time.
Sometimes I just want a listening ear.
I’ve always envied friends or colleagues who have such chummy relationships with their mother because… I can’t. I can listen, when it doesn’t involve me (and the ones which do, well duh of course have to listen la). But I always get the feeling that she just doesn’t get what I’m trying to say, trying to express.
So I feel sad . Like right when I want most is just to be manja-ed silly like the little girl I was, I can’t. And I feel lonely. Misunderstood. I’m playing the role of the macho I-don’t-give-a-shit when in fact I do. Just that I can’t voice it out and the way I show it is all. Wrong.
Maybe someday. But it’s scary, what if it never comes. I’m the only one who gets text messages like I never care about her or dad (like whut?). That I’ll desert them after I get married (what? seriously woman). And that I’ll forget them. She doesn’t know prayer number 1 to 5 is always for them. That the Almighty looks out for them and after them, opens up opportunities for them, keeps them away from harm (the seen and unseen) and health and longevity.
If I told her this, it’s all “expected” of a child. But some children don’t even do that but she doesn’t realize this and. I’m not getting anywhere.
Argh I’m going to bed.
I still love you mum. A lot. I’m sorry you don’t see it the way I do. I’ll try being the daughter you want and have been wishing for. Sigh. I’ll try ok?
for the makeup noob (like me!).
I’m not really one for makeup. I just powder, line my eyes and put on mascara. I don’t even bother with a blusher or a lipgloss! If you were to ask me about eyeshadow and contouring and what a bronzer is for, you’re just gonna get this perplexed deer-got-stunned-by-headlights kinda look from me.
Recently been surfing the Tube for some ideas and how-tos on applying eyeshadow and I must say, I really did learn a lot.
Saaammage is my favourite. Her tutorials are easy to understand and quick. Though I don’t have the luxury of buying top o’ the line makeup from MAC or Bobbi Brown or Sephora, I’m glad to know that I can achieve the same effect with drugstore makeup as well. Drugstore meaning stuff from Z.A, Maybelline, Revlon and all that can be found at Watsons, Cold Storage, Guardian etc. So thanks Saaammage for the tutorials and tips! One other thing to note is that brushes make or break the look.
All the different brushes for blending and smudging are quite essential in making sure your makeup looks decent and flawless as opposed to haphazard and reckless (like how mine does when I ‘try’ to do my makeup proper).
So brush shopping soon! And who knows, maybe then I’ll gain back the confidence and start camwhoring ;P
It’s time to Dext – Motorola launches the Motorola Dext, exclusive only at Singtel.
Mission: Sneaking a Peek at Motorola’s Latest Smart Phone Release
Date: 20 Jan
Location: Helipad at Central
Time: 7pm
The market is saturated with smart phones. Chocked to the BRIM! Of course we know who started the whole smart phone craze and if you’re observant (or as bored) as me, just look at the people around on the trains, buses, Starbucks etc. Blackberry. iPhone. E71. Omnia.
So when Motorola came out with their own Smart Phone that functions on the Android system, I thought “Aiya, what do they have that I can’t do on my own phone.” I carry an E71 by the way.
So there’s Twitter and Facebook and pushing your photo and status updates all thanks to 3G and an appropriate broadband on mobile connection. But what really sets it apart? The slide-out QWERTY keyboard? The fact that you can link your Facebook contacts to your phone contacts (or even unlink them?)?
No.
What really sold me was the fact that if you ever lose your phone when you’re out clubbing or rushing out of a cab for a meeting, you can remotely control your phone and personal private details.
How?
When you buy the Motorola Dext (yeah, it’s the name), you’ll get an email with a user id and password to log on to a site which allows you to set up a passcode of sorts. In the event that you lose your phone (touch wood), you can log into the site and lock or remove your contacts.
SWEET!
Not that it’s advisable you lose your phone just to try this out la.
It’s pretty heavy for a phone and the weight may not sit well with some users. The Dext, unfortunately, does not come with flash so if you want to camwhore, do so where there’s light or you’ll just end up with blank black shots.
Thanks loads to @nanyate (Ivy) and the Singtel crew for hooking me up with invites.
+ One more brilliant thing; Motorola placed the factsheet, press release and photos of the Dext in this swifty nifty 1gb flashdrive. In-kuh-re-di-ble. I loike.
P.S I’m at work so can’t really upload em’ pictures and all. But will definitely do so once I get back!
i do not condone this.
A letter from Marina Mahathir with regards to the three churches that were burnt down in Malaysia:
Dear friends,
Today is a very sad day for Malaysia. Last night at least three churches were attacked by unknown people with incendiary devices. The ground floor of the Metro Tabernacle Church in Desa Melawati was totally destroyed. It was heartbreaking to see.
There is nothing in Islam that says that we are to treat the houses of worship of any faith with such disrespect. Surah 22, Verse 40 of the Quran says:22:40 (Asad)
“those who have been driven from their homelands against all right for no other reason than their saying. “Our Sustainer is God!” For, if God had not enabled people to defend themselves against one another, all] monasteries and churches and synagogues and mosques – in [all of] which Gods name is abundantly extolled – would surely have been destroyed [ere now]. And God will most certainly succour him who succours His cause: for, verily, God is most powerful, almighty, -
Any place where ‘God’s name is abundantly extolled’ must be protected.
It is time for the silent majority of Muslims, who reject fanaticism and extremism, who favour dialogue and debate rather than violence, to be heard. We can no longer remain quiet if we love our religion and our country.We should not let a small gang of thugs and hooligans speak in the name of Malaysian Muslims. We are NOT a religion of gangsters. We are a religion of peace, justice and equality. Do not let these people hijack Islam for their own ends.
The Government needs to know that there is a substantial number of us who disagree with the violence and harsh words. Our fellow Malaysians especially Christians need to know that we deplore these acts and mean them no harm.
As Muslims, it is up to us to be magnanimous and to extend the hand of peace to our fellow citizens and reassure them that this act is an aberration and we abhor it.
Thank you.
Salams,
Marina
Is it truly hatred? Or are they doing this out of some sick perverse notion believing that burning down the houses of worship of other religions is honestly what Allah and the Prophet (pbuh) want? I mean yes, humans are stupid. Even those who were thought to be intelligent.
I do not condone this act of terrorism. The Muslim faith does not approve nor does it encourage such acts and behaviour.
That said, Mr Anas Zubedy has a blog that you should read. What struck me most was the story of his friendship with a Christian Indian man. I can’t describe the impact it had on me just that, you don’t try to subvert people to your religious ideals. They were able to accept, learn and understand each other’s religion. Gaining a better understanding and sharing their thoughts and opinions. Not to force the other to convert but more as a means to learn and appreciate and live and love harmoniously.
Aiya, just read it la.
race is NOT a cultural determinant!
What is race?
It isn’t a sport, to be the first to cut the finishing line.
Race was a term used to categorize humans into groups, classes with their own identifying trait. Olive-skinned latinos. Fair-skinned caucasians. Slit-eyed Asians. Race, is a term that sets to set us all apart because of where we’re born, the things we are exposed and accustomed to.
Race has always been used as a cultural determinant.
Admiral Adama, feels otherwise. The UN and Battlestar Galactica, along with a group of high school students in the states, sat down for a discussion. I managed to find this clip to summarize the discussion on race.
the when’s of using a smartphone
Stop texting!
Put that phone away!
But now with this handy-dandy guide (thanks to Gizmodo [link]), you know just when’s the right time to whip out the iPhone/BlackBerry/Nokia E71/97 blablabla to ease your brain of the senseless boredom so rampant and common with family gatherings brought about by commercialize holiday festivities.
new this week! (a new series? maybe!)
Classic case of how we mere mortals take things for granted. Have you ever stopped to wonder if perhaps, Mario was the bad guy and Bowser was nothing more than a militant who was trying to overthrow the possibly corrupt monarchy? Why else would the Goombas and assorted creatures of Mario-verse be so willing to pit themselves (no matter how weak and futile) against him, time after time, level after level?
The brains over at Kotaku has decided to give us something to scratch deeper before the new year. Of course I kid if I were to take this so seriously, still, read further for the comments and what other readers of Kotaku have to say about this discovery! [link]
Though I have to be serious about this, would people be remotely interested in what’s tickling my neurons or has got me having geekish orgasms? To do a vlog or a simple podcast? Possibilities are downright endless. Now with the voice recorder and my (spankin’ brand new earphones and) mic, I could do a podcast on the go. Although talking to myself on public commute might just deem me deranged.
what goes around, comes around.
I don’t mean the title in a bad way.
Yesterday, a video went around on Twitter showing an African-American man who was demonstrating how HP’s computer (I can’t remember the exact model) was rascist. There isn’t a single computer built in this generation that isn’t without a webcam. What he was trying to point out was that HP’s face-tracking camera on one of its computers wasn’t able to track his face.
He goes on to prove it’s rascism by getting his colleague (Wanda the fair Caucasian), to jump into focus. Immediately, the camera tracks her face. But when he jumps in, it goes back to normal and remains static. Watch the video below.
The good thing is that he wasn’t saying it all in a vindictive bitter manner. Rather, it was all very candid and well, entertaining.
The best bit now is that HP has picked up on it and released a statement that they’re currently looking into the matter. PR crisis averted! While the comments weren’t really too nice, I just felt that it was good that the HP team managed to pick it up and smooth ruffled feathers. Wonder if Desi (the guy in the video) has read the statement and if he’s responded.
some things just don’t make sense.
Many a time I wished that I had opted to learn programming and be a developer or some sort because that knowledge would have been reaaaaaly useful (and valuable) right now. Having not read developer documentation for the better part of 3 years, my brain’s taking a fair bit trying to get used to technical jargon and to look out for the right codes to edit, change, manipulate whatever.
I have a confession to make.
I really am a social media junkie.
I tried. Really. To curb the habit. To stop it. To be ‘normal’.
I can never click the “mark all as read” button on my Google reader and try, no matter how long or slow, to clear up my feeds. There’s just something new to be learnt and taken into consideration everyday. Sadly, doesn’t help because the structure of this current firm is so traditional and odd that it frustrates me. They have no idea how much capital and awareness they can generate with the right digital marketing plan to kick off everything in their direction. And yet, they waste money on ill-placed advertising mediums.
I mean seriously, your industry is targeted to people online. I wouldn’t think it’s remote advisable to target print mediums. Plus, I’ve not even seen your Google AdWords popping up anywhere on the interwebs. Are you using the right keywords? Or are you wasting your advertising budget with low quality ads and poor reach?
ARGH!
You see all the ways and means you can change and revolutionize things but then there’s so much protocol and politics and red-tape surrounding each and everything that you realize just trying to get to a point where you can even suggest alternatives has exhausted you 90%. Meh.
But back to my addiction. It’s just sad and unfortunate. I guess I was sending in my resume to all the wrong places. Missed opportunities all thanks to the binds of a contract from the previous firm, which left me little room in terms of career options. Sigh.
wishing you a BELLY KWISMAS!
So it’s Christmas. Usually I’d be all cynical and Scrooge-ish because its a capitalist dream festival (more so than Valentine’s). Yet watching this video made me remember that there are the good bits of it as well. Much applause to the Impro Everywhere team. This is by far, one of the best Improv Everywhere moment ever.
Click here for a detailed account of what happened and how they went about doing it.
I bet it really made the bellringer’s night. :)